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Sunday, May 20, 2018

6 Science-Backed Ways To Make Someone Fall In Love With You Even After Brake Up.

Scientific studies have revealed some techniques that can make someone to fall in love.

Find Out If Your Spouse Is Cheating On You.

Worried that your spouse is being unfaithful? Here are 10 red flags to look out for.

I have watched many marriages be torn apart because of infidelity. It is heart wrenching to witness beloved friends having to live their worst nightmare as they discover their spouse has been selfish and unfaithful. I would never wish it on anyone. Because of this, I have used these awful experiences to collect advice and tips on how to catch a cheater before it is too late in hopes that it may help someone in the future.

Here are 10 of the most common signs that your spouse is cheating:

1. Frequent change of passwords

If you notice your spouse changing their email, cell phone, computer or social media passwords more than usual, chances are they are trying to hide something.

2. Social media profiles

If a spouse is unfaithful, they will most likely make their social media profiles look very "single." Updating their profile picture to a solo shot or a picture with friends and hiding photos of you as a couple should be a big red flag. Also take notice if there is an obvious increase in the amount of time your spouse spends on social networks each day.

3. Cellphone habits

A healthy relationship is an open one. When your spouse answers the phone and immediately moves to a room where you cannot overhear the conversation, watch out. Unless they are planning a surprise birthday party for you, your spouse should feel comfortable talking to anyone on the phone in front of you.

4. Decreased or increased desire for intimacy

In some cases the desire for sex may decrease since the cheater is already getting their pleasure outside the home. However, there is also the possibility that his or her interest in having sex may increase, because of feelings of guilt.

5. Cleared history

A big sign that someone is being unfaithful is when you find their computer or phone history cleared regularly. Though your spouse might be doing this for security reasons, it is more likely that they are trying to "cover their tracks."

6. Increase in social activities

Take note when your spouse starts attending more social gatherings alone. A guys' night out or a business party are commonly used cover-ups.

7. Increase the extra costs

If it seems you are a little tighter on money at the end of the month than normal, look at where your extra money is going. Cheaters will often take out cash to make it more difficult to track where they have spent the money.

8. Physical appearance

Be careful not to jump to conclusions with this one. Your spouse's newfound desire to be more physically attractive might be a result of trying to look more professional for work, or maybe they are just trying to catch your eye. However, if you have noticed any of the other signs on this list, you may have a problem. When seeking a new relationship or adventure, people usually take extra care in managing their outward appearance.

9. Blame you for everything

No matter if something happened at work or away from home, they find a way to blame you and make you feel lousy.

10. Increase in gifts

Spouses who are being unfaithful will often try to cover their guilt with splurges of gifts. If you are surprised by the sudden amount of attention and gifts your spouse is giving you, you might want find out what the motive behind them is.

If you find four or more of these signs in your life, something strange is happening. It doesn't guarantee that your spouse is caught up in an affair, but they are the beginning steps towards infidelity. Be careful to avoid outright accusing them of being unfaithful. Instead, talk to them and try to understand what is going on. If there is a problem, try your best to work through it with your spouse, forgive their mistakes and save your marriage.

The 7 Ways To Make Your Marriage Last Forever

Matrimony is a minefield. Here's how to avoid the most common missteps and always keep the spark alive.

The most useful marriage advice, the kind you can actually follow in a time of need, is rarely obvious. It’s not the kind of “never go to bed angry” life-in-a-nutshell stuff your uncle doles out at your wedding before attempting a Russian kick dance and taking out the cake table. No, the best advice is the kind that doesn’t occur to you right away—it’s the kind you have to earn through years of making mistakes and gritting your teeth. Let us save you some unpleasantness. Consider these seven counterintuitive tricks for building a stronger marriage—the kind of marriage you and your wife deserve. And once you've elevated your game as a husband.

Don’t be overly optimistic

The Norman Vincent Peale approach to relationships that a lot of men embark on—that is, positive expectations inspire positive outcomes—sets up a lot of marriages for failure.
Nothing about a successful marriage is automatic, say Judith Sherven, Ph.D., and James Sniechowski, Ph.D., a married couple who counsel other couples. “People fall into the trap of thinking that just because they are biologically attracted to each other at the beginning of a courtship, problems that come up in marriage will iron themselves out,” says Sherven. The authors of The New Intimacy, Sherven and Sniechowski say that couples need to develop a more realistic picture of the relationship and an understanding of the individual responsibility required to make a marriage work.
Consider this study of newly married couples at the University of Florida. Seventy-seven couples were recruited to undergo a battery of questions and interviews about marital happiness; they repeated the program at 6-month intervals for 4 years. Among participants with poor relationship skills, those who’d had high expectations for harmony showed dramatic declines in marital satisfaction over the first 4 years of marriage. Those who had entered marriage with lower expectations, however, were more likely to report being happy in their relationships.

Learn to fight

Maybe it’s the way she never makes the bed, the way she talks about you to her friends, or the close guy pal she has at work that sometimes irks you. But you are too sophisticated and understanding to lose your temper. Why get bent out of shape and ruin your night?
Actually, some researchers say that arguing is one of the healthiest things a couple can do. Research from the Center for Marital and Family Studies, at the University of Denver, suggests that couples who embrace arguing are more likely to be satisfied with their marriages than are couples who withdraw from conflict altogether.
“Conflict,” explains Sniechowski, “is generally understood to be either win or lose. And in that context, it’s unattractive and dangerous. But conflict is in fact a signal from the relationship saying, ‘Something has to change. Pay attention here.’ And once you understand this, conflict can become the doorway to more intimacy in all areas: emotional, sexual, spiritual, and intellectual.”
Sherven and Sniechowski routinely tell couples not to compromise, tolerate, or merely cope with one another. “There’s an insidious silence that goes with compromise,” Sniechowski says. “It’s really, in the long run, very debilitating. It takes the juice out of what’s possible for the relationship. And even worse, it only produces a false tranquility.”
But there are right and wrong ways to argue. (Throwing a can of soup through the kitchen window would be one wrong way.) “As soon as you recognize that you are upset, you should take a step back,” suggests relationship coach John Grey, Ph.D., who wrote Becoming Soulmates with his wife, Bonney. “You can’t work on a relationship when everything is urgent.” So postpone the discussion for an hour or a day. “Only once you’re calm, centered, and effective can you accomplish anything.”

Be selfish

Admit it. Like most men, you’re selfish. It’s all about you, you, you, and you feel guilty about being so shallow.
Well, go ahead: Be selfish. “You absolutely should take care of yourself first,” says Sniechowski. “When we go to weddings and the clergy talk about the two ‘becoming as one,’ we always want to stand up and yell, ‘Well, which one of the two are they going to become?’” says Sherven. “Really, this sets up a losing situation for both parties. The submissive person is losing themselves, and the dominant one is losing the person he or she fell in love with. Our work promotes the idea of ‘twoness’ in marriage.”
Being selfish is mature, proactive behavior because it keeps you from becoming reliant on your partner for your happiness. Plus, it takes the guilt out of eating the last slice of pizza.
Three healthy ways to be selfish:
—Buy something you really want without consulting your wife.
—Find a passion that is yours alone.
—Spend time with friends who are not your wife’s friends’ husbands. Be religious about seeing buddies every week to play poker or basketball, coach a kids’ team, or just grab a beer. Remember: hanging with your buddies is one of the 100 Easiest Ways to be a Healthier Man Right Now.

Forget sex—for a Moment

Be honest, now: Has the sex ever not been pretty damn good? But if the bedroom is the only place you two are happy and connect on an intimate level, you have a major problem on your hands.
A University of Iowa study shows that the happiest couples are those with similar personality traits, even if they are negative traits like contentiousness or irresponsibility. Study couples reported that having similar personalities accounted for marital satisfaction 46 percent of the time.
But even if you are like oil and water, having a common interest that you can participate in together appears to be a key ingredient in a strong marriage, according to a study from the department of sociology at the University of Arizona. Other studies have shown that couples who exercise together at the gym end up getting more exercise in the bedroom. Still another study found that wives and husbands in long-term marriages considered sharing a sense of humor to be essential for marital bliss.

Stop empathizing

“I call it the ‘me, too’ response; it’s a huge roadblock to real communication,” explains Paul J. Donoghue, Ph.D., coauthor of the book Are You Really Listening? Keys to Successful Communication. “She says, ‘I had a horrible day at work today.’ And you say, ‘Me, too.’ Listen to what just happened. Now the person who was originally trying to communicate a problem has been shut down.”
Men do this all the time, and they think they are being empathetic and helpful. “We take her issue and make it all about ‘me,’” says Donoghue.
“The other common communication mistake men make is listening only for problems that need solutions,” says Donoghue’s coauthor, Mary E. Siegle, Ph.D. “Where women tend to be soothers, typically, guys are fixers. But what women really want is for you to make a commitment to sit down and listen.”
In other words, shut up, nod compassionately, and absorb what she’s saying. The perfect all-purpose response: “I understand. I’m on your side. What can I do to help you feel better?”

Offer Bribes

Remember when you were trying desperately to get into her pants? You showered her with flowers, candy, gifts, romantic getaways to the Mexican Riviera. So, what’s changed in 10 years of marriage?
Giving small, frequent tokens of your affection will maximize your marriage. “I often tell couples to exchange lists of six things their partner could do inless than 30 seconds that would make them happy,” says Grey.
These bribes need not be material to be effective. Try drying the dishes, folding the laundry, paying the bills, walking the dog. The smallest gestures can sometimes yield the greatest rewards.

Make her take out the trash

We all bring certain experiences to our relationships, and we all have certain expectations of how marriage is supposed to work. The problem is, they’re not necessarily the same experiences and expectations that our mates bring.
Here’s an example from Sherven: “Years ago, I was driving with an activist feminist friend in her 40s. She had been married for about 10 years. We were on our way to a meeting when she started complaining to me about how her husband wasn’t taking out the trash. I said, ‘Well, have you asked him to?’ And she whipped her head around and said, ‘No! I shouldn’t have to ask him. He should know!’ So I asked, ‘How should he know?’ And she said, ‘My father always took out the trash.’ Of course, the problem was, her husband didn’t grow up in her family. Too often, we expect our spouse to know what we are thinking or feeling automatically. It doesn’t work that way.”
Falling into patterns from the past can also spell trouble for couples who are looking to move beyond a relationship difficulty.
“The Chinese definition of insanity is doing something the same way and expecting a different result,” says Grey. “It’s critical for people to identify and break their patterns of reaction. You can’t advance and grow as a couple unless you try different approaches to a recurring problem. If you’re a person who wants more closeness with your partner, then give her more space. If you’re someone who’s always seeking more space, force yourself to stay close. Only by taking a different approach is there the potential for a different result.”

If these 10 things are happening in your relationship, you might want to consider
whether you can cope with an inevitable end. Let’s be honest—it’s never going to become a long-term thing no matter how much you might want it to.

1. YOU TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE HE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND EVEN THOUGH HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT YOU.
This is kind of self-explanatory. You know what I mean—you bring him up in conversations with mutual friends and talk about different things that you do together as if you’re a couple and your friends are kind of puzzled because he never talks about you to them. Or, if he does talk about you, it’s never like that. Yikes.

2. YOU RATIONALIZE HIS HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR TOWARD YOU.
For example, if he ghosts you from time to time and you rationalize his behavior then maybe it’s a sign that you’re never going to be in the committed relationship that you want. First of all, he should be ashamed of himself for treating anyone, especially a person he’s semi-involved with, like that. But you also have to take accountability for it too. If you have casual sex and sometimes watch movies together and there are seemingly no-strings-attached because you don’t demand them, he’s only going to keep acting that way. Why would he want to change the relationship to something more if it’s working for him right now?

3. YOU BEND OVER BACKWARD FOR HIM AND HE NEVER RECIPROCATES.
Similarly, if you’re always going out of your way to do nice things for him and he never reciprocates, you’re probably not headed in the relationship direction. Relationships are fundamentally a give and a take and if he’s not even giving as much as he’s receiving now while your relationship is undefined… what makes you think that’s going to change?

4. YOU DEFEND YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOUR FRIENDS WHO EXPRESS CONCERNS.
Friends can be overbearing sometimes, but if the majority of your friends are constantly trying to explain to you that your fling with the dude isn’t going anywhere and you totally ignore them, you’re probably forcing it. Like me, I bet you have really amazing, overprotective yet supportive friends. Sometimes it can be hard to hear the truth from the people who love you the most but I believe that when it’s important a good friend will take the heat from you. It’s up to you to hear their message. They just don’t want you to get burned.

5. YOU MAKE UP EXCUSES FOR WHY HE NEVER CALLS YOUR OR TEXTS YOU BACK RIGHT AWAY.
If he’s micro-ghosting you AKA leaving you on read and being an all-around erratic communicator then I hate to say it but your relationship isn’t going anywhere. If he doesn’t have the decency to be responsive to you, it’s not because he left his phone at home or fell asleep, it’s because he doesn’t see you guys as a couple. As a result, he doesn’t feel an obligation to communicate with you regularly.

6. YOU DROP PLANS WITH YOUR FRIENDS TO HANG OUT WITH HIM ON THE OCCASIONS WHEN HE DOES REACH OUT.
I know, cringe. To be honest, I’ve been that girl too. If you drop your plans to hang out with your girlfriends for a last minute sex appointment, not only are you a bad friend but you seem a little desperate to spend as much time with him as possible so that maybe, just maybe, he’ll see you as more than a hookup. It’s not cool and it sure ain’t worth it.

7. YOU LOOK FOR SIGNS OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT IN ALL OF HIS ACTIONS.
Along the same lines, if you search for a silver lining in all of his crappy actions, you’re totally forcing it. If you were headed toward a relationship, you wouldn’t have to search for a silver lining because his actions would speak volumes on their face. In other words, when you know, you know.

8. YOU TURN DOWN DATES WITH OTHER GUYS.
If you’re not in a committed relationship yet, why are you turning down dates with other guys? If you are, you need to stop because this is a total sign that you’re forcing something that isn’t there! Maybe you want things to work out with this guy you’ve convinced yourself is your next boyfriend but you’re only limiting your options. Until you clarify that you are indeed in a relationship with him, there is no reason why you can’t entertain other guys and go on dates.

9. YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT HE’S GOING TO WANT A RELATIONSHIP EVEN THOUGH HE SHOWS NO SIGNS OF IT.
If you convince yourself that he’s eventually going to want a relationship and he’s shown absolutely no sign of it, I’m sorry to say that he probably won’t and you’re just forcing this relationship. The truth is, maybe he doesn’t want to be more than just your friend with benefits or hookup. And even though that’s a hard pill to swallow, the sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be.

10. YOU THINK THAT MAYBE YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
Hi, newsflash— you are perfect. If you’re genuinely trying to get to know him and he doesn’t want something more but keeps leading you on, he’s the one with the problem. But it’s up to you to wake up, put your foot down, and move on from the fairytale you’ve created in your head.